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  • Tara

if you give a mouse a cookie - renovation edition

(For purposes of this post, I am the mouse)

If you give a mouse a cookie, she will decide it's high time to renovate her kitchen so she can take a pretty Instagram photo of that cookie on a new quartz countertop.

And when she buys her countertop, she'll find out there is enough leftover material to replace the counters in the bar. So she will buy a new bar sink and faucet because the old ones are grody.

And since she's replacing the countertops in the bar, she's going to go ahead and incorporate the wine fridge that a sweet client gave her that was being removed from their remodel.

And then she'll find out that the wine fridge doesn't fit in her existing cabinets. So she will go to IKEA and buy new, inexpensive cabinets.

And when she gets to IKEA, she'll realize that she doesn't like the inexpensive cabinets. She likes the expensive ones. Because she is a mouse with VERY good taste.

And when she gets home and they remove the old cabinets, she finds that there is a big ugly hole in the wall left over from the lazy/genius builders from 1971 when they couldn't get the cabinets to fit. She will curse their existence.

And when she removes the backsplash, she will find that the room used to be wallpapered. She'll look closer and realize that the wallpaper is peeling and will need to be removed because she will not stand for shoddy workmanship in her house. So she will peel it off, only to find that the room is only partially wallpapered. So she will have to skim coat the entire room so that the texture will match.

And then she and her husband and their mouse children will assemble the new, expensive IKEA cabinets and find out that they are 2" deeper than the old cabinets and will rest on the old tile floor.

And she will see that the old, ugly tile floor is also cracked, which she totally forgot about because she put a pretty rug over it 3 years ago to hide the crack.

And the mouse's husband will wisely realize that if they don't remove the floor now, his mouse wife will immediately regret it and wind up making him go through this again 6 months later.

And they will take sledge hammers and remove the tile floor. The little children will not like the loud noises.

And she will note that if they're fixing the walls, cabinets, sink, faucet, and floors, then it only makes sense to finally remove the popcorn ceiling. Which requires another trip to Home Depot.

And since removing the popcorn ceiling requires them to take the light fixture down, they may as well replace the ugly track light fixture.

And at the end of this very long weeknd, the mouse will want to give her husband a cookie. But she still doesn't have that countertop yet, so she gives him a beer instead. Which is all he really wanted in the first place.

The End. Almost.

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